I'm three hours behind you!

Welp, my fellow Spokanites, I hope you are enjoying your 68 degree weather at the precise time of 10:50 pm. I know that I am surely enjoying my 75 degree weather here in Maui, at precisely 7:50 pm. But, before you get all jealous and mopey, I want you all to know, it hasn't been fun and games the whole time...

The heat when we first arrived was unbearable, and my hunger had reached a new level;

I would have my own hair if I thought it would have helped.

But, i'm also not going to lie to you, the gloom was hardly gloom at all, and the slight discomfort that was ever taking place was quick to pass, and turned into this:

I'm really sorry Spokane. 

I wish you were here.

Recap

Whoa whoa whoa whoa... the amount that has happened in a month is wild.

I mean it. Soooo much. 

I am going to try to sum up the new things I have experienced with a sentence about each.

Here-a-we-go...

I am a barista.

I have grown a weird appreciation for metal.

I have interacted with several humans that have been wildly cracked out.

I have lots of new friends.

I am going to Hawaii.

I am going to France.

I got sunburned.

One of my best friends got married.

One of my best friends older sister got married.

One of my sisters best friends is getting married.

I got my makeup done.

I made $$$$$

I lived through Hoopfest.

I know all the ingredients inside a Mocha Bianco.

I spent lots of time in apartments.

I slept in a bed with three people.

I covered my eyes for the first time ever in a scary movie.

I ate Octopus.

I saw horses on the freeway.

I won $15.00 at the casino.

My best friends boyfriend got me a mug for my birthday.

I have eaten approximately 7,000 lemon bars.

I carry Crystal Light in my purse wherever I go.

I ate an entire container of pulled pork in one sitting.

I learned more designers names than I thought were real.

I got my ears pierced.

I went out to dinner.

I bought way more clothing than I need.

I bought 2 more dresses (WHY!).

I made a tanktop.

I beat-boxed and hummed at the same time... a lot.

I got blisters.

I had FUN.

Baltimore Street

I had another moment today that just simply blew my mind.

Wanna hear about it?

Cool.

Today Jen, Steph, Amanda, and I were driving, and I decided to quickly hop on the Palouse Highway. I had full intentions of turning right on Regal Road and heading back in towards 57th, but then... I looked at the sky. I saw how magical it looked, and how perfectly swirled with colors it was, and I felt that I had no choice but to pass Regal Road and head for (what looked to be) heaven. With Amanda and Jen in the back seat, and Steph in the front, I took a right on Baltimore. The view just got prettier. And as I was driving along this straight and narrow road, I looked to Steph and said "I have never been over here before" and she replied with a smirk and a simple "Me either". With all the windows down, and the music on maximum volume (not playing rap of course, that would ruin the whole mood in every way), we drove silently. None of us speaking, but rather glancing out the windows at what seemed like a new and foreign land. Then finally, we turn a corner, and it was like my eyes had never been so happy. We were overlooking a hill of homes with jagged paths, trees, rocks, and a perfect slit of sky, sun, and clouds at the top. It's appearance much like The Shire, really. The sun was peering through the clouds creating, what my mom calls, a 'God thing' that lit the sky. The longer I was looking at this, the more awesome I was feeling. If I have lived in an area for 18 years and never noticed something so beautiful, just imagine what I will find in other places of the world. 

We always complain that the place we live doesn't have anything cool to do, or any sights to see, but that's simply because we've never really looked.

Stars

Have you ever just looked at the stars and thought '...what the crap?'
How is there so many significant and tiny things up there, and how the hell am I so used to looking at them?
How many people do you suppose are looking at the very same stars, and how many of them do you figure I am never going to meet?
How many of those stars are planets?
How many of them were romantically named after a girl that a boy really liked?
How many of them have already burned out?
How many of them ARE there?

That goes for everything!

How many people am I never ever going to know?
And how many of those (listed above) are a lot like me? Or... wondering the same thing?
How many people are within a 2 mile radius of me?
How many other people in the world wonder about these things?

So, does this unknown make us small and insignificant? Unoriginal and a simple number?
I don't think so...
I think it just goes to show that while we may have 1,000 reasons to hate someone, to love someone, to change someone... we are so the same. We have 100,000 things about us that are identical. It's humbling, really. Because we often focus on all the factors that make people different, and all the reasons that we think it is fair to tell them to change. But if we focused, even for just 10 seconds, on all the things that the entire human race shares - we will see that the differences are stars. They are small, but significant. Without even one of them the whole atmosphere would be different, but when I look through the front windshield of the car and glance upon the sky, I won't be able to tell the difference.

Go tell someone they're awesome. Because dammit, they are.

DiplomaRoma

grad·u·ate
[n., adj. graj-oo-it, -eyt; v. graj-oo-eyt]
noun

A person who is leaving everything they know to embark on something cool/scary/awesome/terrifying/far away/foreign (etc.), and is really very frightened.


...Okay, so I made that up. But that's what it is to me.


As I sit here and think about the fact that I have 2 more school days as a high schooler I am realizing that my senioritis is actually backtracking, and turning into hesitation, sadness, and pure RAW fear. But, I am also SO excited at the same time. But some of my best friends are moving away. A lot of them. Almost all of them. Moving away, like me, but going to their own new and scary locations. In my perfect world, I would pack them all up and tac them to a bulletin board in my dorm, buuuuuut... I have a bad feeling that's not a possibility. 
My bess fraan Stephanie Noelle (love you long time) suggested that I write a blog that is a selection for my future. Explaining what I am doing now, what I am thinking now, and where I think my life will go. I thought "Whoa Steph, what a knee-slappin' good idea!" So, this is where I am. 
Commencing...


Right now in my life, my only conclusion about what I want to do in the future is good things. I want to help people. I don't know with what exactly yet. Maybe nothing specific. Maybe everything. I just know I want to work with people and help them. Lately, i've been highly considering working on trying to get a major that emphasizes somehow on Human Rights. I really want that. =yaknowwhatimean? I also know that I want to go to Africa. SO. BAD. I want to go teach music to little kids there, build homes, nurse people to health, and make people smile as they make me cry. I want to be enlightened. I just want to help. More than anything I want at all.
As for now, I am just trying to adjust to the idea that everything is going to change. Everything. Every routine I've ever fallen into, every scenic structure I'm used to glancing at, and every person I have interacted with - will be different. Holy hell, right? 
I am feeling: Terranxioued
(terrified, anxious, excited)
Here's to a million tears, four hundred panic attacks, forty graduation parties, and the freshman fifteen!

What's an AP Test?

You know that feeling when you're taking a test, and you can just tell that you are KILLIN' it? With every word you write, or every bubble you fill in, you think "daaaamn girl, you got this shiz on lock." When you have a slight smile to yourself thinking how bad you'll feel for all the other kids after you set the curve high? And then, the blissful moment when you leave the room feeling like you're glowing, and like all the fellow test takers are envious of your obvious success...

That's not how my AP test went today.

In fact, the opposite happened, really. 

With every word I wrote I thought "daaaaamn girl, did you learn anything in this class?" And I had a slight smile on my face, which turned to an out loud laugh, when thinking about how it will go for myself when comparing scores with all the other kids that are good at math. And then, that melancholy moment when I leave the room feeling like I am sweating, and like the fellow test takers are sympathetic for the obvious beating I just took...

#aptestsinanutshell

The aftershock.

Real Talk

I have never had so many emotions in such a small amount of time.

I am feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, excited, sad, and nervous.

I am stressed out by school.

I am stressed about the fact that I have a hard AP test on Wednesday, and that I have grades I need to keep up - during the hardest stretch of time as my high school years come to an end. I am stressed that I feel like I have aaaaaaabout a million things to do in these last three weeks of school. I am stressed out thinking about waking up for classes next year (that damn snooze button is always the death of me). 

I feel overwhelmed by the amount of loose ends I have to tie up in three weeks.

I feel overwhelmed thinking about not having my best friends around, and having to make new friends. I am overwhelmed thinking about having to fend for myself for everything next year, and having all my everything be up to me.

I am anxious to go to college. 

I am anxious to see where it takes me, and what I find interest in. I am anxious to see how all my friends do, and to watch them grow. I am anxious to see what kind of a person I am going to be by the end of my first year of college, and how similar, different, or the very same I am. 

I am excited to start a new chapter.

I am excited to be introduced into a completely new and exciting world. I am excited to meet new people. I am excited to try new things, see new things, think about new things, and do new things. 

I am sad to leave the people and everything I know.

I am sad to not see my best friends everyday. The people I love. I am sad that everything I am used to, and things I have come to enjoy, are all going to change. I am sad that some of the greatest people I know will be great distances from me. I am sad when thinking about the fact that everyone is probably going to think I am so bizarre that I will make zero friends. I am sad to think I won't have an endless coffee budget. I am sad to think about doing homework some more. I am sad to think about not having a comfy bed and big house to spend time in. I am sad to leave.

I am nervous to do this.

I am nervous that everything will be way more stressful, overwhelming, exciting, and nerve-racking than I thought. I am nervous to fail. I am nervous to leave. I am nervous to even think...

I am stroveranxexsadous (stro-ver-anx-exs-ad-ous)

Chapter 17 : Senior in High School

As the school year is coming to an end, I am realizing what is important. And it's not anything that I used to believe was. 

I am starting to see that a lot of things are going to be coming to an end. 

I am no longer going to be able to see my best friends everyday. The people that I use as the very stone to keep me standing when I feel I am going to fall, the people to feed me courage when I have none, the  people who make me laugh when all I have in me is tears, and the ones who give me a reason to like myself. They have been the people, without fail, to keep my head up - always. I have never been so tightly embraced while crying, more praised when succeeding, or more protected when fighting than I have been from these girls. Now, how am I supposed to be anything without them?

I am also never going to be in Canterbury Belles again. The group that I dreamt about being a part of since the 4th grade. I am never going to stand in the choir room with 15 other girls, while making music together that touches all our hearts. I am never going to look over at Destiny or Faith when we lock the chord and smile. I am never going to see Kelsey amaze me with her presence and poise. I am never going to look at Jessica and start to tear up when, without speaking, we talk about how much we're going to miss each other. I am never going to giggle to Ashley and Savannah when we can't always remember the words to Symphonic Choir songs. I am never going to hear Errin's contagious and wonderful laugh while she does my hair before concerts. I am never going to see Michelle Larson do her cute little shrug when she laughs. I will never going to share music with Michelle Tatko, and have to stop singing because I am laughing too hard at her voice cracking. I am never going to be able to get my back cracked by Corinna. I am never going to be able to smile at Heidi and laugh at her over exaggerated impressions. I am never going to be able to see Rauha laugh so hard and pee a little in her dress. I am never going to be able to see Elisa right across from me, focused and happy. I am never going to be able to hug Alina when I walk in, and smirk at each other when we make up notes and accidentally sing them. I am never going to peer over at Katie at the end of Gaudete (everytime). I am never going to spend my time with 15 girls who bring out the side of me that I love the best.

I will no longer be able to go grab money from my dad. Seriously, this is really sad.

A lot of things are ending. But, my relationships with all these people will not. Everyone I love will forever be in my heart.

But wow, why does it have to feel this sad?

=

I have come to an epiphany. 

After reading 16 articles, most of which about equality, I have had an epiphany.

I need to work with people, and my job needs to emphasize Human Rights.

(I have told a few people this, so if this is not new news to you, sorry to bore you with this post).

Now, I realized that this sort of thing is one of my true passions. I am not saying this in the kind of way that I am trying to hint at being skilled in this field, or being smarter than others. I believe it to be one of my passions because it is something that I am literally passionate about. 

There is NOTHING in the world that brings out my inner fire of fury more than mistreatment of people, based on anything other than their character. (And even then, I don't love the death penalty or anything like that, so...) 

I realize that a lot of people are supportive of equality, and I am in no means trying to imply that I am "nicer" or "wiser" than any other person like me who wants to work to help people. In fact, I am doing the opposite. I am no better than a person who tries to hurt others, when I am doing nothing to stop it. So, I need to join the pack - and change things. 

I encourage you to do so, as well.

I want to spend my efforts in life fighting to help people.

I want my children to not know the meaning of a hate crime.

I want them to care for people.

I want them to know love as love, and not an idea only a man and a woman can share. 

Imatryandmakethishappen.

Paloosa.

Hello!

Sorry, sorry, sorry (Michelle Tatko) that I haven't blogged in a wee bit. 

I had to finish my Culminating Project!

Which was this!

I passed :)

So, lots of cool stuff has happened!

1. I passed my Culminating Project! That means I am allowed to graduate, woo!

2. I played in the Student Staff Volleyball Tournament and really hurt my knee! ...Oh, whoops, that wasn't one of the cool things.

3. I went to Portland for a choir trip!

4. I got a new dress! (It's so cute! ......I didn't need it.)

5. I went and watched some really freaking awesome people at Blue Door last night, and I laughed incredibly hard. I even snorted... that part i'm not so proud of.

6. TODAY IS SUCH A NICE DAY.

Okay, well, I am going to provide a couple pictures in herrr for you to see!

Enjoy!

WOOOOO HOOOOO!

Flight 1995

I miss California. 

I miss 75 degree temperatures.

Waaaah.

Well, besides all the fun I had on my trip to see my wonderful cousin, I once again had the quite the awesome character sitting next to me on the plane ride home.

.

.

Her name was Susan Worthington.

She graduated two years before my mom, from the same high school.

She used to live in Spokane, but now lives in San Diego.

She was loud, talkative, friendly, sweet, and inspiring.

She told me about her grandmother that lived to be 105 years old. She explained how when she was 13 she started writing in a journal, documenting everyday, and continued this pattern until 2 weeks before she passed. After she died, they made copies of this journal and spread them among the family. She told me about reading through her suffering of the Depression, and how she was able to turn to the date of her birth, and read about how much her grandma loved her, and how excited she was for her to be born. 

She told me the definition of a legacy was anything that had been passed down. 

"I would take this diary over every jewel the world could offer me. My grandmother was exceptional. A lot of people that you never would have realized had it in them - have it in them."

She then through out some comments that surprised me.

"Do kids still have keggers?"

But finally, she said something to me that I am going to always remember:

"You never know where life is going to lead you, but the cool thing is, wherever it does - it's yours."

.

.

There are so many people in the world. So many incredible people. 

 I hope I reach a point in my life where I can be someones "exceptional" person, and enlighten someone as much as Susan did me.

Travel

On my way to California!

Planes allow our perspectives to change. Looking down at a tree that seems so large when we're flatfooted on the Earth, is now insignificant and petite. Imagining the number of people below me who have lives I will never know about. And whoa, this earth is circular. What the heck. 

On my flight to Oakland I sat next to a 14 year old girl named CJ. I found out that she lives in the same tiny town that my aunt and uncle live in, and next year will be attending the same small town high school my cousins, and my cousins wife attended. This girl had dyed red hair, wore choker necklaces, drew on thick black eyeliner, pulled out a Wet Seal makeup bag, and had on a rhinestoned "I heart pink" sweatshirt. She was reading a book on her iPad called "Beautiful Demons" and listened to Rock and Country. For those of you who know me, you can imagine how her and I were practically twins (those of you who know me also know that what I just said was the most extreme sarcasm to ever spill from my lips). CJ looked like lots of people I have met before, and acted like none of them. She had the sweetest and most friendly smile, dished out compliments about liking my rings and bracelets, and asked me questions about my life. I feel lucky to have experiences like this one. It just reminds me how little I know about everyone, and how appearance is such a minuscule fraction of the sum of a person. I wonder what CJ first thought of me...

Breakdown Remedy

I put my new jeans on and suddenly everything is right.

.

.

My jeans that cost $9.50, I may add.

So, today I was having a few emotional breakdowns about school, obviously, and Mr. Rye (my freaking awesome math teacher whom I love and adore, that I banter back and forth with on a daily basis) was going on with his usual poking fun at me, and was waiting for my appropriate response such as "Mr. Rye, I could take you", or "Come on, I'm your favorite student", or "Put the scissors down, it's not cool to play with those!" However, today, I was bouts' to snap. I was stressing out HARD and trying to do a reassessment, and he started the banter. This time I paused and said "Rye, one more word and I might cry. I'm on edge." And he replies "...........'I'm on the edge, of glory!' Come on Ali, that's funny! You're going to have Gaga stuck in your head all day nowwwww." Then tears fell. I laughed. He felt horrid. 

To break the awkwardness of him feeling like he ruined me, I began singing the Gaga song through my cries. 

.

.

This, my friends, is how you handle breakdowns.

Take notes.

Don't leave kind behind!

What up, Earthlings?

Well I'll tell you what's up with me.

My day was, frankly, not that good. But I found out the reason. 

It is because I don't like when people are mean. I reeeeeally don't like it. 

I read an article about an anti-gay hate crime done in New Jersey. Now, I know that a lot of you reading this are all for gays getting no rights. Okay... Yep. Don't know why. Can't relate. So, I am very sorry if my HELL YEAH DUDE attitude about equality peeves you off a little, but don't worry, I won't judge your personality off of our differences. Because we are equals.... :) Anyhoo, I read this article about the man who outed his gay roommate all over the internet and led him to jump to his death off of the George Washington bridge. I don't believe there has been any words to describe the feeling I get in my stomach when I hear of things like this. But, to sum it up a bit, it gives me a small fraction of embarrassment to be a human being. Because that means I have similarities with people who are capable, and willing, to go to such extremes to hurt others.  #girlisfiredup

Also, today I saw a boy try to throw a younger, smaller, and sweeter boy in the trash can. Now first of all, I didn't think people like that were real. That's just dumb. And makes you look like you tried super hard to be clever and cruel, and straight copied from Grease and Boy Meets World. Second of all, the guy was tall enough to just climb out, so that's embarrassing for you, punk. Third of all, your maturity level was incredibly dropped, and you should have just stuck with calling him a 'dummy' and telling him to meet you in the parking lot at 3:00pm before your mom picked you up from school. So, to wrap that up, I wish that guy was more like a real person. 

In conclusion, be nice. If you cannot, seclude yourself and let your negative thoughts consume your mind. 

Live long and prosper.

Honey, i'm home!

I HAVE RETURNED! 

...I missed writing! 

So, for those of your who have asked about where my blog went / when I was going to start it back up (Mama and Michelle Tatko), here it is! I hope you enjoy it.

This time around, I am going to be able to document major changed in my life; graduating, summer shenanigans, and moving away. (My mom is crying at this point, I can tell...)

Bare with me, friends. We're in for a scary ride.

Quick debrief of my life since we last met:
- I now belong to the Western Washington University community :)
- I have two months until I graduate.
- I still haven't gotten my haircut (it's getting ridiculous, i've never cared about split ends, and I think that's because I thought that's how every hair was supposed to be...)
- I got an iPhone.
- I decided my main goal in life is to do good things for people.
- My coffee addiction remained constant.
- I got really into eyeshadow and liquid eyeliner.
- I learned how to put a cool swirl in my hair.
- I finally convinced my dad to change up my lunch every once in a while.

And so it keeps on keepin' on...