Chapter 17 : Senior in High School

As the school year is coming to an end, I am realizing what is important. And it's not anything that I used to believe was. 

I am starting to see that a lot of things are going to be coming to an end. 

I am no longer going to be able to see my best friends everyday. The people that I use as the very stone to keep me standing when I feel I am going to fall, the people to feed me courage when I have none, the  people who make me laugh when all I have in me is tears, and the ones who give me a reason to like myself. They have been the people, without fail, to keep my head up - always. I have never been so tightly embraced while crying, more praised when succeeding, or more protected when fighting than I have been from these girls. Now, how am I supposed to be anything without them?

I am also never going to be in Canterbury Belles again. The group that I dreamt about being a part of since the 4th grade. I am never going to stand in the choir room with 15 other girls, while making music together that touches all our hearts. I am never going to look over at Destiny or Faith when we lock the chord and smile. I am never going to see Kelsey amaze me with her presence and poise. I am never going to look at Jessica and start to tear up when, without speaking, we talk about how much we're going to miss each other. I am never going to giggle to Ashley and Savannah when we can't always remember the words to Symphonic Choir songs. I am never going to hear Errin's contagious and wonderful laugh while she does my hair before concerts. I am never going to see Michelle Larson do her cute little shrug when she laughs. I will never going to share music with Michelle Tatko, and have to stop singing because I am laughing too hard at her voice cracking. I am never going to be able to get my back cracked by Corinna. I am never going to be able to smile at Heidi and laugh at her over exaggerated impressions. I am never going to be able to see Rauha laugh so hard and pee a little in her dress. I am never going to be able to see Elisa right across from me, focused and happy. I am never going to be able to hug Alina when I walk in, and smirk at each other when we make up notes and accidentally sing them. I am never going to peer over at Katie at the end of Gaudete (everytime). I am never going to spend my time with 15 girls who bring out the side of me that I love the best.

I will no longer be able to go grab money from my dad. Seriously, this is really sad.

A lot of things are ending. But, my relationships with all these people will not. Everyone I love will forever be in my heart.

But wow, why does it have to feel this sad?